You should instruct people to read that one out loud. Definitely good read strongly. schmutzie - website of choice 2005-08-20 13:31:50

Magnificent metaphor-molding! Plus, it made it possible for me to employ my alliterative skillz. Enjoy your yurt-tastic trip, and don't make us have to shoot you upon your return. Meany - website of choice 2005-08-20 13:34:39

i agree that no one gives a shit about poetry lately. i love your work and always enjoy reading you and would love if you'd critique some of my work. i have various poems on my website. :) devian - website of choice 2005-08-20 14:03:17

"Sacraments for the Dying: Baptism" tore me apart. i love your style. devian - website of choice 2005-08-20 14:06:10

Oh sure, devian - people say they'd love it if I critique some of their work - until I critique some of their work. Then they're not so in love anymore. Never ask for critique from anyone unless you're absolutely, positively prepared to be told that everything you have ever written is total garbage and that you have no skill at writing poetry whatsoever, because that's exactly what you might end up hearing. Smoog - website of choice 2005-08-20 14:42:47

Wow. I am left wanting more. adoring fan - website of choice 2005-08-20 15:08:04

Re: going fucking squirrelly -- I am so already there. But unless I threaten to shoot myself or somebody else, nothing will be done about it. Well, maybe they'll stuff some happy pills down my throat, but I don't see that doing much good while Those Who Make Me Mental are still so very present. Meany again - website of choice 2005-08-20 16:07:32

I liked that Bukowski, though. But I like Captain Beefheart, too. Smed - website of choice 2005-08-20 16:22:00

Bukowski paid no attention to syntax, diction, linebreaks, sound, rhythm, keeping his figurative language straight, keeping his metaphors straight, or keeping his intent straight. In other words, he didn't write poetry all that often, regardless what people call the stuff. He wrote rants. He wrote drunken ramblings. He wrote shock jots. You wouldn't be the only person to like his stuff. Hey, hundreds of thousands of people like Maya Angelou too, who is far, far worse. Smoog - website of choice 2005-08-20 16:28:32

i appreciate the warning, smoog! :) i don't think i'm as talented as half the people you hate! :P dev - website of choice 2005-08-20 17:43:27

I don't know enough to write poetry, leave alone critique poetry, but what you wrote brought tears to my eyes. I think that counts for something. Ladybugge - website of choice 2005-08-20 18:42:10

As someone who knows and loves poetry, I was shocked to find such a gem here in my Diaryland cruising. (I don't have a diary, but I read a few. I enjoy yours very much.) That poem of yours is really something. Why haven't you submitted it to a national literary journal yet? It could stand alongside any of the poems I read in the New Yorker. Anyway, I would be curious to hear the names of other poets you like. I studied with Louise Gluck (whom I like very much), and one of my favorite poets is Wallace Stevens. independence - website of choice 2005-08-20 23:36:36

independence - I only recently completed the series and my revisions to it, and I have indeed submitted the series to the Paris Review. Be patient, man. Heh. Some favourite poets - Seamus Heaney, Dorianne Laux, Marge Piercy, and Dylan Thomas. I thoroughly enjoy some Stevens, but other times he's got his damn head up his ass. Or at least he did, since he's dead now. Smoog - website of choice 2005-08-20 23:45:09

I've written some of what I affectionately pretend is poetry. You're welcome to rip it apart at will because I also don't consider it great art. http://www.twisterjester.com/superfluous/ But while the language of your excerpt is certainly poetic enough in its language and symbolism, it's not written in stanzas, or at least it doesn't appear that way on my browser. radiogurl - website of choice 2005-08-21 01:55:11

radiogurl - I don't know if you mean you don't see any linebreaks (they're there), or that you don't see the break between the first strophe and the second (again, there) - oh, by the way, I generally reserve "stanza" for metrical poetry, and use "strophe" to refer to separate units in a free verse poem. Or perhaps you're looking for discrete blocks of text with the same number of lines. Whatever the case, that isn't what makes a poem a poem. In free verse poetry in particular, which really started to emerge onto the scene with Walt Whitman in the mid 19th century, it's rare to find a poem with numerous strophes with the same number of lines. When you're dealing with a metrical form (poems that follow strict structural rules as well as possible rhyme schemes), then yes, you'll find that. In some cases, like in prose poetry, you won't find any linebreaks or stanzas or strophes of any kind. People without a great deal of exposure to poetry written from the mid 19th century onward often identify poetry by those visual cues, when in fact it's the way that language is used to communicate, not how it's physically divvied up on a page, that makes a poem just as it differentiates a short story from a news article from an essay from a novel. And so ends my lesson for the day, class. Heh. Oh god. 2 1/2 more hours to go before I'm supposed to wake up and get ready to go. Wait. I'm not sleeping. How can I wake up then? Damn. I mess everything up. Smoog - website of choice 2005-08-21 02:34:07

Fuckin' A.. I hate poetry. I even hate my own.. but that, it wasn't even just poetry; it was fuckin' ART. Discordia - website of choice 2005-08-21 04:29:05

A few comments: I disagree with your head-up-his-ass comment about Stevens. I also must say that I relish your intensely pronounced opinions. So few people today get passionate about anything beyond the TV remote control that it's delicious to hear someone with a real, live, juicy, chewable view. I myself often get criticized by others (Americans only, not Europeans) for having such "strong" opinions on everything (especially on art). Fuck it, though--I'm passionate about my likes and dislikes, and if they can't handle it, that's their problem. I just hope these Northern Californians will be able to appreciate all that you bring to the gathering. It might very well turn out to be as you described... I sincerely hope that you get what you hoped to get out of it. At the very least, you'll have some time in a pretty place to continue your writing. I look forward to seeing more of your poems. If you ever want a critique of works in progress, I'd be honored to read your stuff. (And I would stay far away from radiogurl's "poetry.") --Independence (Ms.) independence - website of choice 2005-08-21 08:53:53

wow. zoot - website of choice 2005-08-22 08:03:15

I like your poem, and i may just be an idiot, but i think i'd like it more as prose. Still, i admire your ability to write like that. I've tried and tried to develop some talent in that area, and still don't have anything i'd be willing to show to other people. Hat's off to you. Carrie - website of choice 2005-08-22 10:32:35