Zzzzzzz*SNORT* Mwuh -- huh --? Dozed off there for a second.
12.29.2006
So anyway, like I was saying, I was - hey, where did everyone go?
Christ, you take a nap for a year or two and everyone thinks you're dead. No patience, none at all. The nerve.
I have plenty of very good reasons for not having written for so very long. Number one is, of course, that I tend to take such long absences from the whole online blog nonsense on a semi-regular basis.
Number two happens to be the resurgence of a bothersome personal issue that has since been resolved with a bit of spit and elbow grease, along with the odd chainsaw. No, I will not go into further detail. My mother doesn't even know, so don't feel left out.
Oh, wait.
Shit.
Hi, Mom.
Number three was the continued online presence of a particular person persistently visiting the sexy pages present on this blog and then staying there for long, long, long periods of time. This would happen, oh, seven or eight times a day, seven days a week, for months. At first I tried to keep writing, but gradually gave up when the bile kept rising in the back of my throat every time I started typing. Each week I'd receive my traffic report and get horribly creeped out when every report would show that the number one visitor to my site was none other than Super Creep Peep, and always, always to the same sexy pages. I didn't want to delete said sexy pages, because then the aforesaid person would know I knew, and that idea creeped me out even more. So I just stayed away.
Now, however, I have decided that Super Creep Peep can know whatever the hell they want to and do whatever the hell they feel like, because I have reached a point of frankly not giving a flying fuck. Or perhaps it's just that I'm an iconoclast at heart.
At this time let us all have a moment of silence as I dance around, flipping the bird while screaming almost unintelligible yet clearly revolting profanity, then finally drop my pants and moon my computer monitor.
Thank you. Let us resume.
The Return of Smoog was marked by an idle stroll through a year's worth of comments, which consisted entirely of invitations to watch illegal-oxycodone-snorting goats with Viagra-taut 12-inch meat missiles gang-raping their sister's boyfriend's cousin's Boy Scout group while flashing their Rolexes and applying a space-aged cream guaranteed to enhance their girth. 91 deleted comments and a very long and very vigorous shower later, I think Smoog can now return to business as usual.
Which, of course, might not be saying much.
make idle gossip (14 comments so far)
come hither - back off
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