| 12.14.2004: | how to talk dirty without even trying |
| 07.18.2004: | Smoog's Lessons in Etiquette: Lesson #1 - The Internet |
| 04.20.2004: | I'd hug you right now, but then I'd have to kill you. |
| 04.17.2004: | Great Expectations - 0: Horribly Unpleasant Surprises - 183 |
| 04.10.2004: | Search for intelligent life in the universe - or a lawn dwarf rectum. Whichever. |
| 04.09.2004: | In Smoog We Thrust |
| 04.07.2004: | Woman arrested for lewd and unseemly conduct in local area subconscious. Details at 11. |
| 04.05.2004: | Absence makes the heart grow fungus |
| 09.27.2003: | Kidnapped and held ransom by mucal kittynappers, Smoog makes daring escape across Sea of Snot. Details at 11. |
| 09.17.2003: | This message was written from the office. After all, it takes one to know one. |
| 09.14.2003: | A losing hand at the game of one-upmanship in misery |
| 09.09.2003: | A picture is worth a thousand words. Or one: "AAAAAAAAAAGH!" |
| 09.07.2003: | Shoeless Smoog, the ungirlie zithead pen murderer |
| 09.02.2003: | There are wonders to behold in mucal plugs |
| 08.28.2003: | Sex, swearing, vulva slapping, and gargoyles: this entry rated "N" for "No one anywhere is allowed to read, so stop right now, you little pervert." |
| 08.25.2003: | New Bermuda Triangle discovered: four local area firefighters, two stylists, and a rabbi lost in Smoog's hair. Details at 11. |
| 08.23.2003: | Attack of the 50-foot chocolate sundae, coming to a digestive system near you |
| 08.22.2003: | It's not a tumah, it's nuttink like a tumah, it's just a headache |
| 08.21.2003: | we interrupt this journal to bring you the following public confusion |
| 08.17.2003: | be a pest - hug a maggot |
| 08.16.2003: | Imagine all the people peeing on the floor |
| 08.10.2003: | Hitting the snooze button for all humanity |
| 08.06.2003: | the truth is out there, in accounting |
| 08.04.2003: | Sucking Richard Simmons dry |
| 08.02.2003: | Speaking of cat food, do banks approve loans for kibble? |
| 08.01.2003: | If I got pennies for my thoughts, I'd be eating cat food and living in a dumpster |
| 07.30.2003: | our father, who art in the cardiac unit |
| 07.29.2003: | the whale's lips are sealed |
| 07.29.2003: | The Many Eyes of Smoog |
| 01.26.2003: | Nobody knows the toilets I've seen |
| 01.03.2003: | New Year's horror: virgin paupers turn to gourds as balls drop -- details at 11 |
| 12.27.2002: | Turn your head and cough, and have a happy new year |
| 12.26.2002: | An Open Letter To Former Net Acquaintances Who Are Such No Longer For Reasons Unknown |
| 12.25.2002: | Frozen corpse in the basement notwithstanding |
| 12.23.2002: | The International Federation of Bisexual Shadow Boxers is born |
| 12.22.2002: | Woman Gives Birth to Arnold Schwarzenegger's Love Tumour -- Details at 11 |
| 12.22.2002: | Surgeon General's Warning: drinking South Asian tea may lead to journalling that can be hazardous to your health |
| 12.22.2002: | Moo |
| 12.22.2002: | Thou shalt not have any latex gods before me |
| 12.21.2002: | I'm a little saucepot -- tip me over and pour me out onto a steaming plum pud. |
