12.14.2004:how to talk dirty without even trying
07.18.2004:Smoog's Lessons in Etiquette: Lesson #1 - The Internet
04.20.2004:I'd hug you right now, but then I'd have to kill you.
04.17.2004:Great Expectations - 0: Horribly Unpleasant Surprises - 183
04.10.2004:Search for intelligent life in the universe - or a lawn dwarf rectum. Whichever.
04.09.2004:In Smoog We Thrust
04.07.2004:Woman arrested for lewd and unseemly conduct in local area subconscious. Details at 11.
04.05.2004:Absence makes the heart grow fungus
09.27.2003:Kidnapped and held ransom by mucal kittynappers, Smoog makes daring escape across Sea of Snot. Details at 11.
09.17.2003:This message was written from the office. After all, it takes one to know one.
09.14.2003:A losing hand at the game of one-upmanship in misery
09.09.2003:A picture is worth a thousand words. Or one: "AAAAAAAAAAGH!"
09.07.2003:Shoeless Smoog, the ungirlie zithead pen murderer
09.02.2003:There are wonders to behold in mucal plugs
08.28.2003:Sex, swearing, vulva slapping, and gargoyles: this entry rated "N" for "No one anywhere is allowed to read, so stop right now, you little pervert."
08.25.2003:New Bermuda Triangle discovered: four local area firefighters, two stylists, and a rabbi lost in Smoog's hair. Details at 11.
08.23.2003:Attack of the 50-foot chocolate sundae, coming to a digestive system near you
08.22.2003:It's not a tumah, it's nuttink like a tumah, it's just a headache
08.21.2003:we interrupt this journal to bring you the following public confusion
08.17.2003:be a pest - hug a maggot
08.16.2003: Imagine all the people peeing on the floor
08.10.2003:Hitting the snooze button for all humanity
08.06.2003:the truth is out there, in accounting
08.04.2003:Sucking Richard Simmons dry
08.02.2003:Speaking of cat food, do banks approve loans for kibble?
08.01.2003:If I got pennies for my thoughts, I'd be eating cat food and living in a dumpster
07.30.2003:our father, who art in the cardiac unit
07.29.2003:the whale's lips are sealed
07.29.2003:The Many Eyes of Smoog
01.26.2003:Nobody knows the toilets I've seen
01.03.2003:New Year's horror: virgin paupers turn to gourds as balls drop -- details at 11
12.27.2002:Turn your head and cough, and have a happy new year
12.26.2002:An Open Letter To Former Net Acquaintances Who Are Such No Longer For Reasons Unknown
12.25.2002:Frozen corpse in the basement notwithstanding
12.23.2002:The International Federation of Bisexual Shadow Boxers is born
12.22.2002:Woman Gives Birth to Arnold Schwarzenegger's Love Tumour -- Details at 11
12.22.2002:Surgeon General's Warning: drinking South Asian tea may lead to journalling that can be hazardous to your health
12.22.2002:Moo
12.22.2002:Thou shalt not have any latex gods before me
12.21.2002:I'm a little saucepot -- tip me over and pour me out onto a steaming plum pud.

The Classics: 2002-2004


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