Shit! Why didn't someone tell me all this sooner? I could'ev been workin' it for the last twenty-eight years, but nooooooo! I've been playing Miss Goody-Two Shoes. Damn, hate that! Hate bein' the last one in on a trend. cat - website of choice 2006-01-08 16:51:23

Yes, cat, all it would have taken was an axe in the head, and you could have had all that you ever dreamed of. Hey, what do you think of the new layout? I came to realize that most people visiting the site these days have monitors that take up their entire living room, and adjusted the template accordingly to make it more honkin-huge-friendly, while still accommodating the poor old-fashioned back country folk with only monitor-sized monitors. Smoog - website of choice 2006-01-08 18:15:09

I'm kind of a lurker. I tried to join your notify list some time ago, but for some reason I haven't gotten any. So anyway, I check in from time to time, just haven't said hello. I just recently quit smoking, so I'll come back and say hello again when I'm in better spirits. :) Janet - website of choice 2006-01-08 20:16:16

How odd. I'll add your email to the notify list right now, Janet. It may have been malfunctioning when you tried to add it. As for smoking - reached the "overwhelming desire to gnaw through hardwood furniture" stage yet? Smoog - website of choice 2006-01-08 20:17:54

Found the answer, Janet. A confirmation email was sent to you when you first signed up with a URL you needed to click to confirm your email was valid. It never put you on the list because it says you never confirmed. I can bypass that, I think, but you may want to email [email protected] to make sure. Smoog - website of choice 2006-01-08 20:20:44

I did send an e-mail to that help address and they never responded. Sadly, I gave up. I swear I never received that confirmation e-mail. If you can bypass it, please do. Otherwise I'll just check in here every day or so like a good little stalker. I'm gnawing over here. And eating, a lot. :( Janet - website of choice 2006-01-08 21:07:14

But I've always had such admiration for those splendid consumptive Victorian-novel Civil-War women with marvellously heightened colour and flushed cheeks and glittery eyes who steadfastly refused to give up, and bravely went out and buried their war dead and planted the cotton crops and selflessly did good deeds for others and rescued shipwrecked sailors and rambled dementedly all over the moors in the rain, and now you've gone and spoiled it all for me. (What about chocolate craving, then? Where would that rate?) Love, R xxx hissandtell - website of choice 2006-01-08 22:10:39

Also: Nope, I am but a shy little violet and a-lurking I shall stay. No hellos for you, missy. x hissagain - website of choice 2006-01-08 22:11:46

dear smoog.....i am not technically a lurker.... i have said hello a couple of times.....and have since assumed you've visited my little online purge centre and been instantly disgusted and repelled by my refusal to capitalize, punctuate,spell or perform any action of literary correctness and may have mistaken me for an angsty teen thus clicking the x before the 'like totally lol' started pounding your already trialed brain...and probably a good thing too.. it has nothing to do with good writing.. merely the red wine addled ramblings of a hermatic and unsuccessful painter....i also seem to have a natural talent for annoying urban americans.....but since you have recently expressed your not so thinly veiled desire to hear from your readers, i thought i might have another bash.... so greetings to you from the planet of australia...i have been reading your writings since about your third entry...i find your diary an oasis in the desert that is diaryland....and shall cast a vote in your general direction for that pleaselovemydiary award thingo...i have reccomended your diary to all of the four readers of mine..and would like to reccomend to you one in particular...a certain guildenstern.diaryland{particuly the poem entry titled Autolycus by Midnight} who is quite possibly the most underated diary in all the land.........i particuly related to your last entry as i have found myself {or rather others found me}to be a pinnacle of assumed courage and wisdom through my very own ass disease....after a doc literally tore me a new one..i received much praise and worship for being able go through what i did.. despite the fact that i had no choice in the matter whatsoever and as far as i could see i had merely become twice the asshole i used to be...this praise is useless...however...the disease itself.. very useful......lork knows the number of times i have got out of annoying occasions with "i'm sorry i can't make it to your stupid fucking bridal shower/babyshower/hens night etc where in you will have some nancy tart tell us to play games with rolls of tiolet paper or wear something rediculous on our heads on account of the fact that i just might shit myself all over your new frock"...instant forgiveness.. no questions asked... its a gem......moving on.... congratulations on your entry unto the elite 12% beer...and i encourage you to break those boundries and create something along the same ilk ..but going beyond..say 100% tequila with a whiskey shot ..i look forward to reading your first published work....all the best,boofkadinky...and hiss...you're not foolin anyone.. shy little violet indeed. boofkadinky - website of choice 2006-01-08 23:15:00

That's right, Hiss - no one. *waves* Hi again, Boofka. Nice to hear from you again. Does having two assholes mean you can eat twice as much and not gain any excess weight? I'm sure there are some gay men out there who would kill for two assholes. Smoog - website of choice 2006-01-09 00:19:45

Can't type long cuz I'm laughing too loud, but can type my Congratulations on your AWARD: Try to raise that percentage though. Paula - website of choice 2006-01-09 03:35:31

No lurking here babycakes, you onna the few faves left that I actually READ. Smoochies baby, and congrats on being of the twelvish beernesses. Yes, I purposely throw out that "percent" business as I favor volume over drunknor content. Watch out for deer. TwelveBeersHole - website of choice 2006-01-09 04:02:37

I'm not a lurker, but I'd like to think that breaking my nose due to falling on my face in a grenade pit qualifies me to be Chosen. Also, I looooove you! Meany - website of choice 2006-01-09 04:58:40

First time reader, hehe, very nice to meet you! Good to know I can find more fun stuff (you) at 12 beer! Anne - website of choice 2006-01-09 09:02:58

Meany, a broken nose isn't nearly impressive enough. Now, if there had been a live grenade inside the grenade pit when you fell in, that would count for something. Judd - I'm blushing. I promise not to tell your wife. Paula - being a Beermate isn't exactly an award. It's more like being committed to a mental institution where you can hang around people of your own kind. Smoog - website of choice 2006-01-09 09:42:01

This entry reminds me of an episode of House. Don't know if you watch it or not, but a little girl has terminal cancer and everyone keeps going on and on about how brave and wonderful she is. House makes the comment that EVERYONE who is dying of a disease becomes wonderful and brave. Janet - website of choice 2006-01-09 09:57:53

De-lurking. Huzzah. Love your stuff. Hilarious, well-written, straight-forward, awesome. (I'm on my way out the door, so pardon the caveman talk. I swear I can put together a real sentence on occasion.) Rach - website of choice 2006-01-09 19:56:44

Hello, I'm a lurker. And now I'm not! Hooray! That was easy. Anyway, you do good writing and have a design that makes looking at the good writing pleasant in itself. Have an award from me. Helb - website of choice 2006-01-10 04:59:04

I'm not a lurker, just a grateful reader. :) QueerFatGirl - website of choice 2006-01-10 11:46:07

OK. Not a lurker anymore. I love reading your blog and you're hysterical. MargyMae - website of choice 2006-01-10 13:35:08

I think i've commented before... but i'm not sure. So anyway... here i am, in-tact and in awe. Oh well. Carrie - website of choice 2006-01-10 15:01:58

I agree. In fact I'd go a step further and say those who intentionally and not at all accidentally put themselves in danger.. like on Jackass� are no more awesome or enlightened. I can get a tattoo of myself! I can swallow pig vomit! I can sear my flesh and conscience with a hot iron! Yeah! What doesn't kill us makes us stronger! I'm going to go jump in front of a car and hope I live to become invincible. Either way, I'll be a hero. Jay Miles - website of choice 2006-01-10 19:29:16