In which Smoog decides Christmas is out for vengeance
First, I'm unable to go to the island to visit my mother because neither of us can afford the transportation costs. So I'm stuck in the butthole of the prairies for the holidays.
come hither - back off
Then the delivery of my new computer, a computer I was forced to purchase because this computer is slowly but inevitably crapping out and only chooses to start one out of every eight or nine attempts, is delayed until after the holidays are over.
Then the lovely bonus I received is sucked into a mysterious vortex, leaving me broke and eating Kraft dinner for the next 10 days.
Now, or should I say about fifteen minutes ago, my television exploded.
No, really - it exploded. Crazy sparks, fire, billows of smoke, the whole shebang, "bang" being the operative word here. I realize that It's a Wonderful Life may not be the most cutting edge entertainment in the world, but it was all I had. All I had, that is, until the boob tube, she blew.
At this time, I would like to request that somebody please get to the task of Fedexing me one hell of a turkey dinner for the holiday season. With cranberry sauce and baby potatoes and a slice of pie for dessert. Delivered by a half-naked beautiful person. With a C-note in their G-string.
I'm pretty sure Santa is having a damn fine laugh right about now, what with this modern-day equivalent to coal in my stocking.
Come on, Mr. Kringle, I wasn't that bad.
OK, maybe a little.
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